Dryland: One Woman's Swim to Sobriety

When I was younger, I loved to swim, and although I never became a competitive swimmer, I was a pretty fast swimmer.  Fortunately, when I was in fifth grade we moved to an apartment building in Manhattan that had a pool, and we'd go into the pool a lot during the summers. When I was first learning how to swim, one of my sisters told me not to go into the deep end of the pool, which was 8' deep.  I didn't listen to her.  I quickly learned the different swimming strokes, and my parents used to call me a fish, because I loved to stay in the water for hours. I was interested in this book because even though I don't swim as much anymore, I remember those days at the pool and still love the water.  And although I'm a (very) moderate drinker, I was also interested in learning about a swim to sobriety.

"My identity changed with each new landscape."
~ Nancy Stearns Bercaw,  Dryland

Nancy Stearns Bercaw

Swimming, drinking, and traveling are three main subjects in the 2017 memoir Dryland: One Woman's Swim to Sobriety by writer Nancy Stearns Bercaw, a national champion swimmer, and seventeen-time NCAA All-American Athlete.  Nancy lived in many different countries--countries of extremes in terms of the weather and in terms of the culture--which suited her strong and adventurous personality.  In this memoir, Nancy talks about her devotion to swimming, which led her to the Olympic Trials in 1988, about her family, about her travel to different countries, about her love relationships, about her friendships, and about the role alcohol played in her life.  There's also a murder mystery in this book (in this regard, sadly, this is non-fiction).

"I've been going to one end of a pool, or overseas location, and coming back again, for my whole life.  Perhaps my existence should be characterized as a series of laps, instead of years." 
~ Nancy Stearns Bercaw, Dryland 

First of all, I think that the title of this memoir is perfect.  It refers to the desert, which is of course literally the dry land where Nancy lived, it refers to the absence of alcohol, and it also refers to something mentioned in the book, dryland training for swimmers, special exercises performed out of the water that help swimmers become stronger.  Chapter headings in Dryland include dates and are named after various bodies of water---a fitting and helpful touch.


I listened to an audio book version of Dryland, read by Donna Postel, who does an excellent job playing Nancy.  Her voice is clear and refined, and it was a pleasure to listen to this book (I had to remind myself a few times that she was not the author reading her story aloud.)  This memoir is set in several countries that the author lived in and traveled to, including Kenya, Abu Dhabi, and South Korea, as well as the United States.  Through the author's vivid descriptions, I could picture these locations. The settings in this book are an integral part of this memoir.

"Like an infant, I was learning how to put myself to sleep without a bottle." ~ Nancy Stearns Bercaw, Dryland

Alcohol is featured heavily in this memoir.  It was a big part of Nancy's life for a long time, even in countries where alcohol was prohibited (especially for women).  She believes that Abu Dhabi saved her life, and says that "a country of non-drinkers exposed the depths of my addiction to alcohol".  After almost thirty years of excessive drinking, Nancy acknowledges that alcohol is ruining her health, and decides to change her life.  Somewhat surprisingly, she also soon realizes that alcohol actually increases her anxiety at times, an important realization that helps her to stay sober. Through determination, she's able to stop drinking and maintain sobriety while living with her husband and son in arid Abu Dhabi (this shouldn't be considered a spoiler as the title of the memoir already indicates this).

Dryland is a courageously candid memoir. The details of her personal story are genuinely interesting, intelligent, inspiring, and beautifully expressed.  It's absolutely wonderful that she's able to give up her addiction to  alcohol! My favorite CD is the sixth one, the last one (which I'm currently listening to again) because it's  positive and triumphant.  It's also quite funny and amusing in parts--especially regarding Iceland.  I learned a few things about octopuses. ;)  I enjoyed listening to the entire audio book of Dryland, in my car during my short commutes around town.  (This is how I listen to audio books.  I know others listen while they garden or walk or knit or cook or do chores around the house, but for me, I only listen to audio books when I drive solo.  It's my special private time with a book, and I enjoy being read to.)

Dryland is a magnificent, memorable memoir that's truly worth reading or listening to.  Recently I saw the touching movie, The Glass Castle, which is based on Jeannette Walls' remarkable  memoir.  I think that Dryland would also make an incredible movie that would highlight Nancy's swimming, drinking, and travel to many distinct and beautiful countries.  It would be outstanding.


Special thanks to Trish from TLC for inviting me on this tour and for accommodating my request for an "old-school" audio book version of this memoir on CDs.  For more reviews and features, please visit the other stops on TLC's book tour for Dryland.

Thank you for reading!  Your comments are welcomed.

Bonjour Kale

"On my first day of third grade, while playing a game to introduce ourselves, we had to choose a noun corresponding to the first letter of our first name.  I casually chose 'kale', not thinking twice about it, until I realized that none of my classmates knew what it was. This was when I began to understand that my mother and I ate differently than the majority of Americans, and that experiencing the flavors, aromas, and textures of different vegetables was something unique we shared."
~ Bonjour Kale, Kristen Beddard

Although Kristen Beddard, the author of Bonjour Kale: A Memoir of Paris, Love, and Recipes (published in 2016), grew up eating kale, she never expected that it would become a main focus in her life.  Kale was  one of the first vegetables she liked as a baby, and her mother continued to use a lot of it in recipes and salads as her daughter grew up. Years later, when Kristen moved from America to France with her husband, Phillip, she searched for kale because it had always been a staple in the kitchen and an important part of her life.

"Kale was comfort.  Kale was my childhood. Kale was my mom."
~ Bonjour Kale, Kristen Beddard

She could not imagine her adult life as a wife with a kitchen of her own without kale.  Unfortunately, though, when she got to Paris, she could not find le chou kale anywhere.  

"I had yet to find the leafy green in Paris. Not at a single market or at any grocery store. Farmers and maraîchers who sold a variety of vegetables didn't seem to know what it was, and after an intensive Internet search, I'd come to the conclusion that kale was nearly impossible to find."
~ Bonjour Kale, Kristen Beddard

In France, Kristen's passion for kale led her to adopt a new mission and purpose, although she only knew a few French words when she first moved from New York to Paris.  She faced several other obstacles as well on her unique quest, but slowly and surely, she reintroduced this versatile vegetable to the people of France, and it became a part of French cuisine again.  Due to Kristen's creation of The Kale Project, through her diligent work with local French farmers and others, kale is now available at many markets and restaurants throughout France. This beautiful memoir tells the story of how she accomplished this, in a down-to-earth (pun intended), honest, and entertaining manner.

In addition to telling Kristen's story, Bonjour Kale is full of recipes and helpful tips, and it even tells you how to grow your own kale, if you're so inclined.  Early in the book there's a section titled, Keeping a Kale Kitchen, which features tips about buying kale, washing kale, destemming kale, and massaging kale.  Yes, like a sore body, kale will benefit from a good massage. ;)

"The key to any good kale salad is a good massage.  On already washed and dried kale, add the dressing of your choice and massage the kale with your hands for a minute or so."
~ Bonjour Kale, Kristen Beddard

 

I relish books that include recipes, and I was definitely inspired to cook with kale as a result of reading this memoir.  (Over the years, I've become a "foodie"--I love to cook, eat, and photograph good food!  My children seem to be headed in the same direction.)  Soon after I started reading Bonjour Kale, I bought some (organic) kale as well as the ingredients to make Sharzie's Secret Sauce, to use as a dressing on a kale salad. There are several recipes in the book that I'd like to try, such as Kale Chips (Three Ways), Kale and Courgette (Zucchini) Soup, and one that doesn't feature kale, but sounds wonderful and simple, Slow-Roasted Tomatoes.

I loved Bonjour Kale!  It's a mervilleux memoir, a well-written, intelligent story of success, and I enjoyed reading it very much. 

Merci mille fois to Emma from France Book Tours for inviting me to join this tour.  I'm honored to be the first stop on the tour.  Please visit the other stops on the Bonjour Kale Book Tour for more reviews, giveaways, and other features.

Thank you for reading!  Your comments are welcomed.

Humbled by the Journey

"I have been touched by angels.  I have been blessed.  And I have been humbled by this journey."
~ Humbled by the Journey, Mike Fernandez

Last month, I presented the book Humbled by the Journey: Life Lessons for My Family... and Yours by Miguel "Mike" Benito Fernandez (with Martin Merzer)--or simply Mike Fernandez in a spotlight post, along with a giveaway for this book.  This is my "official" review now, with a few more details and thoughts about this book, and a special feature as well, a very brief "interview" with Mike Fernandez.

Published at the end of 2014, Miami businessman Mike Fernandez wrote Humbled by the Journey at the urging of his wife, Constance.  In the book, we meet his beautiful family: his wife, Constance, his four sons, George, Alexander, Michael, and Cristofer, his daughter, Michelle, his parents, Lieba and Mario (Mami and Papi), his sister, Pilar (Pili), and his granddaughters, Stella and Daniella.  This book is dedicated to Constance, and to the rest of Mike's family.

Humbled by the Journey resembles a travel journal, complete with dated "journal entries" and photographs of the trip, and of his family.  The book has an antiqued look and feel to it.  Mike says he wrote this book for the sake of his children, and for those who follow them, so that they will know their history.  Humbled by the Journey has a message for everyone: "You have to take care of those who come after you." 

This memoir provides the history of his family, and focuses on Mike's El Camino walking journey, from the French town of Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port to Santiago, Spain.  Why did Mike walk El Camino?   When Mike's granddaughter, Daniella, was 19 months old, she needed open-heart surgery.  Thankfully, her operation at Miami Children's Hospital was a complete success, and Daniella is fine. But while Mike was at the hospital, he met a mother in the waiting room who was worried about her child.  This meeting changed Mike's life.  After talking to this distraught mother, he realized that there are many others in the same situation, who have children needing health care that they can't afford.  This became Mike's incentive to make the pilgrimage he'd been considering for a while, a 508-mile hike through France and Spain, to raise funds for that mother, and many others like her, whose children need treatment.

"To me, God is goodness.  God is doing good to and for others."
~ Humbled by the Journey, Mike Fernandez 

Mike worked with a trainer, Victoria, in Utah, to prepare for his strenuous journey.  In 2013, Mike hiked along El Camino de Santiago (The Road to Santiago), with a pledge for every mile.  He raised over $5 million for Miami Children's Hospital.  The walk was also a way for Mike to concentrate on the sense of gratitude that he feels strongly.

In spite of some health issues, including a bad back, Mike began his walking journey on September 22, 2013, a time of year when there are fewer pilgrims (those who walk El Camino are called pilgrims).  Each year, the pilgrimage of El Camino is experienced by more than 200,000 people.  Most make the trip from May through early September, during the dry season, but Mike and his friend, Cesar Alvarez (who walked for about a week), started their walk in late September.  Together, they went to the office to get their special passports (which are stamped at each stop where pilgrims spend the night), and began their pilgrimage. 

"A new experience began when I took my first steps on the first day on El Camino.  In the beginning days, my body wanted to quit after six or seven hours, and I would cover no more than 10 miles in tough terrain.  Now, after three weeks, I can cover 20 miles a day, rest for the night and be ready for the next day with a smile."
~ Humbled by the Journey, Mike Fernandez

Humbled by the Journey is Mike's incredible story, in the form of a striking book.  I truly enjoyed reading it, and imagined myself on this walking journey.  While walking, everyone says buen camino, or good road, which means "have a safe pilgrimage".  This book makes the arduous journey seem like a joy, and features pictures and descriptions of the hike, scenery, and lodgings. Throughout the book, Mike calls the journey rigorous and magnificent--I'm sure that it is!  I love to walk, and perhaps one day, I will also walk El Camino, which I've been interested in since seeing the movie The Way (as mentioned before).  Mike hopes his book will inspire others to achieve their dreams and to share their blessings.  Blessed to be a blessing!

In Humbled by the Journey, Mike refers to his walking journey, as well as to his journeys in life.  As mentioned in my spotlight post, Mike was born in the rural town of Manzanillo, Cuba.  During revolutionary times in 1964, his family was exiled from Cuba, when Mike was 12.  They traveled first to Mexico and then to America, and soon moved to New York City.  Mike desired to attend Xavier High School in NY, and worked hard to pay for half of his tuition.  At Xavier, he met a very important mentor, Father Duminuco, who, in addition to his parents, helped Mike develop strong values and character.  After high school, Mike studied architecture very briefly at the University of New Mexico, Albuquerque, then left college to enlist in the U.S. Army's 82nd Airborne Division in 1972.  One day, he jumped out of a C-130 aircraft at 1,250 feet as required, but his parachute only partially deployed.  Needless to say, he was greatly relieved when it finally did open fully, about 300 feet above the ground.  The realization that he could have died that day gave him a new appreciation for and approach to life, which made him more productive and driven.  Over the years, with passion and perseverance, Mike became a very successful entrepreneur, business owner, and philanthropist.  Although Mike's study of architecture was quickly abandoned, ground will be broken in 2015 for Xavier's first new building in a half-century, the Duminuco-Fernandez Building.  Mike calls himself fortunate to have led such a life, and is grateful for it.   

"I have always considered myself a good (if often lucky) salesman."
~ Humbled by the Journey, Mike Fernandez

This book also focuses on Mike's business philosophy.  As mentioned in my spotlight post, Mike is a very successful businessman and entrepreneur.  He founded MBF Healthcare Partners and Simply Healthcare Plans, and is a major benefactor to Miami Children's Hospital.  His business partner and friend, NBA legend Earvin "Magic" Johnson, praises Mike and says that he's "honest, smart, caring and committed".   Mike shares a lot of tried and true, valuable business advice in this book, his ideas and ideals.  Chapter Six: Doing Good Business, Doing Good Work features tips for succeeding in business.  Mike says that "every business deal has to be a win-win".  I really enjoyed this aspect of the book, and Mike's philosophy of doing business in a helpful and honest way is outstanding. 

Page 125

The tone of this book is honest, humble, friendly, intelligent, encouraging and inspiring.  What a fascinating memoir, about an extraordinarily generous humanitarian!  Although Mike has been extremely successful financially, he's down-to-earth, giving, and grateful.  It comes across in this book.

As mentioned in my spotlight post for Humbled by the Journey, all proceeds from book sales go to The Early Childhood Initiative Foundation, a nonprofit focused on early childhood education and “school readiness"--making high-quality health, education, and nurturing available and affordable for all children.  The idea is simple yet profound: if children are nurtured at an early age, they will do better in the present and future, which will benefit everyone. 

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After reading Humbled by the Journey, I asked Mike a couple of questions through his agent, Jessica.  To my surprise and delight, he answered the questions right away! :)
 

1. What was the most surprising thing about your 508-mile walking journey along El Camino de Santiago?  

MBF: The simplicity and civility we all met during the pilgrimage.  On this magical path, with every step one takes, as you walk over 1000 year old Roman bridge, step on ground where soldiers bled in the fields of battle, forests which paths seem as if they were tunnels...  One begins to find one's true self. 

Every hiker begins to take off "their masks".  Under the weight of our backpacks our minds begin to synch with the sound of every step and the clinking of our walking stick as it bites the dirt we are traversing.  After a few days, I began to see a new self.  A simpler self.  At this point each Pilgrim was much simpler, much more human. 

If you saw a person off the trail dressing their blisters, soon you would find two or three strangers trying to help...

I had mentioned to one of my sons during a disagreement that " I am too old to change".  I was wrong!  A few weeks after I had returned home, we were enjoying a BBQ, a family gathering.  He came close to me and said, " You were wrong".  I asked, "What are you taking about?"  He responded, "You did change on that walk".

  

2. Writing involves making discoveries.  What did you discover while writing your book? 

 

MBF: As a former soldier in the U.S. Army, I often would hear a jump master, at the open door of an airplane say, " Life is like a parachute.  It has to be open in order for it to work".   As I look back at 30 plus years in business and 60 plus years of life,  I recognize the importance of having an open mind.  Of pragmatism.

Thank you very much, Mike, for taking the time to answer my questions.  Walking does seem to nurture our sense of simplicity and optimism.  Being open to possibilities, yet practical--both are important characteristics in life.  A pragmatic person is sensible, grounded, and practical.  That describes you, Mike; you seem quite grounded and practical, although you've been extremely successful as well.  You enjoy your journeys in life, and are both grateful and humble.  I was honored to receive an early copy of Humbled by the Journey from Jessica Jonap, and it was my sincere pleasure to read your memoir.

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Thanks for reading!  Comments are welcomed and appreciated.

Humbled by the Journey: Spotlight and Giveaway

"I am grateful for the opportunity I now employ to share with you this journey--this journey not only through France and Spain but also through life."
~ Humbled by the Journey, Mike Fernandez

Having seen the movie The Way (2010), and more recently, Wild (2014), I am intrigued by the focus of this book: a long, arduous, and transformative walking journey.   Humbled by the Journey: Life Lessons for My Family... and Yours by Miguel "Mike" Benito Fernandez (with Martin Merzer)--or simply Mike Fernandez--is a memoir about the author's life, which features his 508-mile pilgrimage along El Camino de Santiago, from France deep into Spain.  Miami businessman Mike Fernandez is the founder of MBF Healthcare Partners and Simply Healthcare Plans, and is a major benefactor to Miami Children's Hospital.  In 2013, Mike hiked along El Camino, with a pledge for each mile that raised more than $5 million for the children's hospital.  Humbled by the Journey is Mike's remarkable story, a beautifully-designed book with photographs (and other pictures), which focuses on his family and his walking journey from the French town of Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port to Santiago, Spain.  The author hopes his book will inspire others to achieve their dreams and to share their blessings.

Born in the small town of Manzanillo, Mike was 12 years old when his family was exiled from Cuba during revolutionary times in 1964; they traveled to America, and soon moved to New York City.  Through hard work, determination, and perseverance, Mike became a very successful business owner and philanthropist.  His business partner and NBA legend, Earvin "Magic" Johnson, speaks very highly of Mike in the book, whom he considers to be a friend and mentor.  I have not yet read every page of Humbled by the Journey (please stay tuned for my review, which will most likely include several excellent quotations from the book), but I've read enough to say that it's fascinating and inspiring!

I was honored to receive an early copy of Humbled by the Journey from Jessica Jonap. The book will be available later this month, but you can pre-order the book from Books & Books (more than 17,000 books have already been pre-sold).  All proceeds from book sales go to The Early Childhood Initiative Foundation, a nonprofit focused on early childhood education and “school readiness"--making high-quality health, education, and nurturing available and affordable for all children.

Thanks to Jessica and this exceptionally generous author, I'm thrilled to offer a giveaway for this book (U.S.A. only)!

• To enter this giveaway, simply leave a comment.
• For another chance at winning, become a follower of this blog, or indicate that you're already a follower.
• For an additional chance, post about this contest on your blog, Facebook, Pinterest, or Twitter.
• For yet another chance, include a favorite quotation about walking or hiking in your comment.

Enter by 5 PM PST on Monday, January 26.  One winner will be selected randomly and announced on Tuesday, January 27.  As always, thanks for reading!

Really Random Tuesday #86: A Book Winner, and a Sassy Quotation

Please help me to congratulate Carl Scott, who has won a copy of My Thinning Years, a memoir by Jon Derek Croteau.  Congratulations, Carl!

Thanks to all who participated in my giveaway, and special thanks to TLC and the publisher, for offering a copy of this book to one of my readers.  We bloggers are fortunate to be able to offer our readers so many wonderful book giveaways!  :)

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This Really Random Tuesday post will be short.  I'm still reading Me Before You by Jojo Moyes, slowly but surely.  (This will be a book I'll miss reading when I'm done.)  I don't have a recipe to post today (although I'm dreaming of making white bean chili tonight, a recipe I found in my inbox).  I'm not sure it's in "good taste" to share yesterday's humorous quotation from my Wild Words from Wild Women calendar, although at least it's related to books, so:

Shh...

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Appearing on random Tuesdays, Really Random Tuesday is a way to post odds and ends--announcements, musings, quotes, photos--any blogging and book-related things you can think of.  I often announce my book giveaway winners in these posts.  If you have miscellaneous book news to gather up and are inspired by this idea, "grab" the button for use on your own blog, and add your link to the "master" Mister Linky on the Really Random Tuesday page.

Thanks for stopping by!  Your comments are welcomed. 

My Thinning Years: Review and Giveaway

"The force inside of me, the commander in chief that was in charge of this war I was waging, was not me, but was actually an extension of my father.  From deep within me, as he had since I was a child, he was ordering me to starve the faggot inside.  At my foundation, conscious or unconscious, I knew that my father would rather I be dead than be gay."
~ My Thinning Years, Jon Derek Croteau


In My Thinning Years: Starving the Gay Within, a memoir by Jon Derek Croteau, published in September of 2014, the author talks a lot about his father, a bully who constantly criticized his wife and three children, Jared, Julie, and Jon.  The youngest of three children who grew up in Ohio and then in Massachusetts, Jon was mesmerized by his mother's loveliness, and was very close to her.  In this book, Jon says that his father, a volunteer athletic coach,  "pushed him into the three sports that he considered manliest: basketball, baseball, and, worst of all, football", even though Jon enjoyed participating in musical theater and was an excellent singer.  Jon was belittled, taunted, and abused by his father, emotionally and physically; his father beat Jon and his siblings with his belt, and he punished them by making them skip meals.  His father often warned Jon not to eat "fattening" foods, and made him feel fat and self-conscious about his body.  Not surprisingly, Jon developed eating disorders as an adolescent; he started to count fat grams and to severely restrict his caloric intake; and he started to run, compulsively.

"I kept running and cutting food from my diet.  Oftentimes, when I'd run endlessly, suffering with determination, I would think about my father.  I wondered if he would be sad if I collapsed on the side of the road."
~ My Thinning Years, Jon Derek Croteau

No matter what Jon did, it was not good enough for his father, who called him a "sissy" (and worse names), and made him feel terrible about himself.  Jon struggled intensely as a youth, and became despondent and suicidal, largely because his father refused to accept him the way he was.  Jon's father created (or at least contributed significantly to) the homophobic feelings that Jon adopted, and to his disgust with himself as a young man unsure about and unsettled by the onset of his sexual feelings.  Jon admired girls and women, and had many female friends over the years (such as Katie, in preschool), but he did not feel attracted to them.  As an adolescent, Jon did not want to be gay.  He didn't want to be different from the other boys, who lusted after girls, yet he gradually realized that he was different, as he developed strong feelings for his best friend in high school, "Chad". 

"After everything I've seen, my mission is nothing less than to help others."
~ Preface, My Thinning Years, Jon Derek Croteau

I'm touched and grateful when people who have endured very difficult pasts want to share their stories in order to help others.  The author hopes his candid memoir will help others to stop punishing themselves and to accept who they truly are.  My Thinning Years is a thoroughly engaging, touching, and sometimes funny memoir, which presents a portrait of a sensitive and gifted young man growing up with a quick-tempered, abusive, and homophobic father.  Children are at the mercy of their parents, and they tend to internalize their parents' ideas and values.  It upset me to read about Jon's father's beliefs and behavior, and about their profound effects on Jon; his father really was a tyrant.  However, Jon's story is gripping, honest, and well-written, and it's also a hopeful, inspiring story about success.  With the help of family and caring friends, and through an empowering Outward Bound trip, and counseling, Jon learns to accept himself, and he discovers how to best deal with his father, and how to overcome his eating disorders and psychologically grueling past.

Terrific news!  The publisher, Hazelden, is generously offering a copy of this affecting memoir, My Thinning Years, as a giveaway (U.S./Canada only).

• To enter this giveaway, simply leave a comment.
• For another chance at winning, become a follower of this blog, or let me know that you're already a follower.
• For an additional chance, post about this contest on your blog, Facebook, Pinterest, or Twitter.

Enter by 5 PM PDT on Monday, October 20.  One winner will be selected randomly and announced on Tuesday, October 21.  Good luck! 

Special thanks to Lisa from TLC for sending me an advance copy of this memoir.  For more reviews, giveaways, and other features, please visit the other stops on TLC's book blog tour for My Thinning Years.

Short Leash

Over the course of a dozen years or so, I walked my dog, Jenny, a "flashy fawn" Boxer, in the park on a regular basis, until she was no longer able to do so.  Jenny loved to take walks.  She was my protector and most reliable walking-friend, and with her by my side, I never worried as we trudged through the wooded areas of the park.  Jenny lived to be 14 1/2, which is quite old for a boxer, and I believe some of her longevity was due to our walks.  One morning she smacked her head hard against the back of my truck while trying to jump into the back of the SUV for the drive to the park.  When we got there, I saw that she had an egg-like bump and a gash on top of her head.  She still wanted to walk--she was ready and willing.  Instead, to her disappointment, I took her straight to the vet, who stitched up her head wound (she was still woozy from the anesthesia and looked like Frankenstein  when I brought her home).  The point is that dogs love to go on walks with their owners, in almost all circumstances.  Our puppy, a Chihuahua and Terrier mix, Daisy, already adores walks in the park.  In fact, when Daisy sees my car in the driveway, she gets excited and heads toward it if she's outside because she thinks that we may drive to the park for a walk.  Walks are grand adventures to dogs, a chance to roam and gambol and explore together.

Published in 2013, Short Leash: A Memoir of Dog Walking and Deliverance  by Janice Gary, is the story of the author and a dog she found on the streets of Savannah, Georgia, an extra-large Lab-Rottweiler puppy she named Barney.  Initially, the thought of reading this memoir appealed to me because of my many years of dog-walking.  I felt that this memoir would probably resonate with me in a myriad of ways.

"A map in the beginning would have limited our horizons.  Now it confirms them."
~ Short Leash, Janice Gary

In Short Leash, the author recounts her story in under 250 pages, over the course of thirty-seven chapters, which are dated from 1991 through 2006.  We gradually learn that both the dog and the author suffered attacks, at different times and in different locations.  Barney becomes "dog-aggressive" immediately after being attacked by a Shepherd, whereas the author needs more time to heal from her attack, and from other painful events in her past.  Many years later in Maryland, she carries Mace in her pocket when she begins to take Barney out for walks on trails at the park near her home.  She's vigilant and keeps Barney on a short leash, because of his aggressive behavior toward other dogs, and it's difficult for the author to enjoy the walks because of her fear and apprehension of dogs and people.  Like Barney, she is also on a short leash.

"This is how the sole and the soul grow skin:  by continuously walking through rough territory."
~ Short Leash, Janice Gary

In her memoir, Janice reveals a lot about her life, and focuses on the joy, trauma, and sorrow she's experienced.  Her writing is beautiful and insightful, and she writes honestly about her thoughts and feelings.  As a dog lover, I enjoyed the many "doggie details" in Short Leash, although it was  heartbreaking when Barney's health started to decline--I was moved to tears at times.  She also writes about the writing life, which will resonate with writers.  The author feels guilty when she can't take Barney out for walks due to her writing (which demands great, somewhat unpredictable periods of time and concentration), although Barney does seem to take this in stride.  Her writing and her walks with Barney are both important, and help her to heal from a painful past.  She describes a "Muse Tree" in the park that inspires her writing, and also more generally, the sights and scents of nature in the park which delight and inspire both the author and Barney.  (I, too, love nature, and relish the exquisite scents of the park that I walk in.)  Walking with Barney, she pays attention to Barney's instinctive dog-wisdom, which entices her to slowly but surely let go of fear, face adventure head-on, trust her feelings, and enjoy her surroundings.  A wonderful and hopeful memoir, Short Leash will appeal to dog lovers, writers, and readers who simply enjoy inspiring stories and memoirs.

Special thanks to Lisa from TLC for sending me this book. For additional reviews, please visit the other stops on TLC's Short Leash book blog tour.

Thanks for reading!  Your comments are welcomed. 

Jenny, 1997 - 2012

Daisy,  2013

Tiger Babies Strike Back

VS.


Published in 2013, Tiger Babies Strike Back: How I Was Raised by a Tiger Mom but Could Not Be Turned to the Dark Side by Kim Wong Keltner is a response to the controversial 2011 book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua.  I haven't read Amy Chua's book, but I've read a great deal about it, and I've also consulted Wikipedia to better understand it.  In Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, the author describes her efforts to give her children what she calls a traditional, strict “Chinese” upbringing.  In the book, she uses the term "Tiger Mother" to mean a mother of any ethnicity who's a strict disciplinarian.  According to Wikipedia, Amy Chua has stated that her book is a self-mocking memoir, rather than a manual for parents. 

My tiger baby

"I'm teaching Lucy the subtleties of listening to her own body, and her own heart."
~ Tiger Babies Strike Back, Kim Wong Keltner

Kim Wong Keltner dedicates this memoir to her daughter, Lucy.  The author sounds like a wonderful, loving mother who wants the best for her daughter and cares deeply about her child's emotional health.  In Tiger Babies Strike Back, she describes the playdates and the messes and the chaos, and she realizes the great flexibility that moms need to develop. She strives to be the best mother to her daughter, and I'm certain that she succeeds.  Remembering how difficult, emotionally unavailable, and overly competitive her family was, the author is determined to give her own daughter a different type of life, which nurtures creativity and cooperation, and fosters a healthy sense of self not bound insufferably to achievement.  I understand and respect this.

While I enjoyed reading Tiger Babies, I wanted to like this book even more than I did.  The concept is clever, the title is clever, and many of the lines are clever, but I had some issues with the book.  Although it's humorous, I'm not sure if the overall tone of this book is self-mocking in the same way as Amy Chua's book.  After reading Tiger Babies for a while, it became repetitive and somewhat tedious to me, although I enjoyed the last few chapters very much, which brought back memories of when my own children were younger.  I realize that the author would have preferred a warmer upbringing, but I felt as if she harped on that.  I agree that we should nurture our children, to show them affection and hug them.  But, I also believe that we need to push our kids a bit--they are strong and resilient--to help them reach their potentials, as students and as people.  I do think that many parents are too permissive, and that overindulging children harms them.  Loving our children means thinking about their future as well as the present.

I don't mean to sound as harsh and critical of this book as a "Tiger Mom".  I read an uncorrected proof of the book, and it's possible that had I read a final version of this memoir, I'd have enjoyed it more.  I do think Kim Wong Keltner is a talented writer, and I'd like to read other books by her. The Dim Sum of All Things and Buddha Baby appeal to me.  The titles of her books are terrific, don't you think so?


Special thanks to Trish from TLC for sending me an advance copy of this book.  For additional reviews, please visit the other stops on TLC's book tour of Tiger Babies Strike Back.

Writing my Memwahhz: A Guest Post by Albert Flynn DeSilver

My guest today is an internationally published poet, author, teacher, speaker, and writing coach.  He specializes in writing and meditation workshops for young adults and families around the world.  In June of 2012, he released his new memoir, Beamish Boy: I Am Not My Story.  Please help me welcome Albert Flynn DeSilver to Suko's Notebook.  I think you'll enjoy reading this exclusive guest post as much as I did.

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Writing my Memwahhz: A Guest Post by Albert Flynn DeSilver

The other day my neighbor said to me, “How’s it going with your memwhahz?”  “My what?” I replied, a bit confused.  I don’t remember having told her of a recent visit to my gastroenterologist. Then I thought she might have been trying to speak French (or perhaps it was Farsi?) to me and was failing miserably.  “Oh, oh, my memoir, yes, yes it’s going fine,” I said, finally. 

The most common reply I get from people when I tell them I’ve published a memoir is, “aren’t you a bit young to be writing your memoirs?”  (And I’m amazed at how often they do pronounce the word, like my neighbor, with a nasal faux-French-Farsi inflection.)  At which point I have to explain, “no, no, a memoir, singular, I’ve written a memoir!—I’m not in my sunset years writing the autobiography of my entire life, known as one’s memoirs (plural).” 

A memoir covers a section of a life.  It could be about the last three weeks of your best friend’s life before they went missing in the Alaska Wilderness, or the ten years it took you to get off prescription pills.  One of my favorite examples is Robin Romm’s book The Mercy Papers: A Memoir of Three Weeks, which is a beautiful and emotional chronicle of the last weeks of her mother’s life as she watched her die of cancer.  The opening description of the hospice nurse with her “blue teeth” is exquisite, and one of my favorite book openings, period.  She uses her dog, Mercy, as a soft metaphor and through-line to literally guide her emotionally through this difficult time in her life.  It’s almost written as a personal journal in conversation with her dog. (Dogs are such exquisite listeners, especially when the emotional stakes are high!)

Ever notice how Mary Karr’s memoirs are pretty much broken up into, childhood (The Liar’s Club), adolescence, high school, and early college (Cherry), and young and mid adulthood (Lit)?  This is not to say one can’t move through time chronologically, or for that matter experimentally, in a memoir. One of the great defining characteristics of contemporary memoir is the unique play of time—using flashback, dream sequence, and future projecting—my favorite example being Boys of my Youth by Joanne Beard. But what we are not doing is chronologically recalling an entire life (I did this, and then I did this, and finally here I am, old and wise).  Memoir as a genre has very much come into its own over the past twenty years, and is now filled with a vast array of narrative exploration of the true (as true as memory can be) personal account.  One of the latest incarnations is the “Immersion Memoir” where people are seeking out interesting, challenging, odd, or even dangerous experiences and completely immersing themselves in the situation and experience in order to write about it. “My Year Living as a Buddhist Nun in Burma” or “My Time Working for Minimum Wage in a Slaughterhouse in Iowa,” might be examples. I suppose if “Supersize Me” was a book it could be considered an “Immersion Memoir.” Such books include elements of travelogue, documentary script, and deep investigative journalism. The point being that at it’s best memoir (singular) explores a portion of a life lived in a unique, open way, is filled with adventurous experiences, transformation, lessons learned, a solid story structure, and prose that shimmers off the page as lusciously as any novel—as devoutly musical and metaphoric as any great poem.

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Albert, thank you for this humorous and insightful guest post about the genres of memoirs, memoir, and the new proliferation of "immersion memoir" (perfect name).  Best of luck with your memoir!  Although maybe you don't need any luck, as Kirkus Reviews calls Beamish Boy “a beautifully written memoir. . .poignant and inspirational, comical and terrifying!”

Comments are welcomed. 

Crazy Enough

To be honest, I hadn't heard of Storm Large before I was contacted about reviewing this book,  Crazy Enough: A Memoir,  but I looked her up online right away to find out more.  The first thing I noticed, of course, is her striking beauty.  She's tall and very attractive (although in the book as she is growing up she does not see herself as attractive).  I then played a few clips to get a sense of her voice and personality,  and decided that this was a memoir I had to read.

"People think I'm nuts. They think that I am a killer, a badass, and a dangerous woman."

~Crazy Enough, Storm Large

Published in January 2012,  Crazy Enough is the story of her life so far.  As I began the first chapter (you wouldn't believe the opening line), I was flung out of my "comfort zone",  hard and headfirst.  Storm is very troubled by her mother, Suzi's, frequent bouts of mental illness and hospitalizations, and understandably worries about her own future when a doctor tells her that she, too, will be "crazy" like her mother when she's older (in her twenties).  I was discomfited the entire time I was reading this book, and often on the verge of tears; I felt that Storm desperately needed a mother to guide her through childhood, but her mother was absent, often in the hospital or institutionalized for months at a time, being treated for various, nebulous mental illnesses.   As a consequence, as a child in the town of Southborough, MA, Storm was left to her own devices, and unfortunately drawn to dangerous things, such as sex and drugs.   Her father, Henry,  tried to be a good parent to Storm and her brothers, John and (also) Henry, but he had to work long hours in order to support his family and his wife's expensive, never-ending health care. 

While I found some of the language hard to take, this book is so real and honest and funny that it won me over almost immediately.  Storm doesn't sugar-coat anything in her memoir, and is truthful about her experiences and feelings.  Her early bouts with sex and her hypersexuality, as well as her experiences with alcohol and drugs (including heroin!) were strange and fascinating to read about.  I could not put this book down, and finished it over the course of a few days.

"You know her life was saved by rock 'n' roll."

~Rock 'n' Roll,  Lou Reed, The Velvet Underground

After a tumultuous childhood, Storm attended acting school in NY, turned to music, and gradually achieved success as a singer (her powerful rendition of Where is My Mind is breathtaking),  fronting bands and releasing albums, and landed a part on the TV reality show Rock Star: Supernova (which I'd love to see),  and a role in the musical, Cabaret.  Eventually, she created her hit one-woman show, Crazy Enough (which I'd also love to see).  This bold book tells her story candidly, and while it was disturbing to read at times, Storm's story is one of determination, survival, and triumph, and one that I will not be able to forget.

Special thanks to Kristin from Simon & Schuster for sending me a copy of Crazy Enough.

A Game of Character: Review and Giveaway

“Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.”
~Michael Jordan

I am always eager to learn more about President Barack Obama. In the early days of my blog, I read and reviewed two of his books, Dreams from My Father and The Audacity of Hope. When I found out that the President's brother-in-law, Michelle Obama's older brother, college basketball coach Craig Robinson had written a book, A Game of Character, I was immediately drawn to it. Additionally, this book, a memoir published in 2010, is a NY Times bestseller which is touted as inspirational, so I was definitely not going to miss reading this one. Since childhood, I've enjoyed reading books about successful people, and often find them fascinating and inspiring, stocked with ideas that I try to incorporate into my own life. A book by the First Lady's brother was required reading, as far as I was concerned.

"To the best of my knowledge, my parents never consciously set out to develop a game plan for educating their children as to the importance of character. Nor, for that matter, would Marian or Fraser claim to have had any special knowledge or inherent parenting gifts for creating what I believe was the greatest start in my life that my sister and I could ever have wanted. And yet, the more time passes, the more amazed I am by how much they really did seem to know what they were doing."
~A Game of Character, Craig Robinson

Craig Robinson is an articulate narrator who talks honestly about his life and how he became involved with basketball, first as a player and later as a coach, and how the game of basketball continued to shape and refine his character. Born in 1962, he grew up in the Southside of Chicago, and learned about the importance of education, hard work, and discipline from his loving parents, Marian and Fraser. He excelled academically and in sports--basketball in particular--and attended Princeton University in the 1980s. Using basketball as a backdrop in his book, he discusses valuable life lessons, in chapters such as Meet the Home Team, Learn the Game, Not Just Your Position, and Luck Is Just Another Word for Hard Work, and infuses the book with intelligence and wisdom (which seem to go hand in hand). It truly is a brilliant book.

Having read A Game of Character, I now know that I'd sincerely enjoy meeting the Robinson family and the Obama family. In a sense, I do feel as if I've "met" them, due to this book, which is written in a friendly and down-to-earth manner, and features some family photos. I relished hearing about the Robinson family's initial impressions of Barack Obama, who had begun dating Michelle; they approved of our future president, who played basketball "with guts", right from the start. It's wonderful and reassuring to know that there are such caring, incredible families and people around, because strong family and personal values are at the core of character, on and off of the basketball court. Even if you don't know the "x's and o's, the nuts and bolts", of basketball, there is so much to learn from this book, and so much to be inspired by, that it shouldn't make any difference at all. Coach Robinson uses his life's passion, basketball, to talk about the development of character, and he does so in a very thoughtful and organized manner, making this a thoroughly enjoyable memoir!

Exciting news! Penguin is generously offering a giveaway for a copy of A Game of Character (U.S./Canada only).

• To enter this giveaway, simply leave a comment.
• For another chance at winning, become a follower of this blog, or let me know that you're already a follower, or that you subscribe in Google Reader.
• For an additional chance, post about this contest on your blog, Facebook, or Twitter.

Enter by 5PM PDT on Monday, June 13. One winner will be chosen randomly and announced on Tuesday, June 14. Good luck!


Special thanks to Lisa from TLC for sending me this book. For more reviews of this book, please visit the other stops on TLC's A Game of Character book blog tour.

Half in Love

A copy of the movie The Hours from Netflix sits on top of my dresser, where it has been for at least a month, and I may well send it back, unwatched. I saw the movie several years ago, and ordered it with the intent to watch it again, because even though I recall that it was good, I don't remember many of the details of the film. However, I do remember that it depicts the 1941 suicide by drowning of Virginia Woolf, played by Nicole Kidman, and now I'm not sure that I want to watch the movie again, because it might be too upsetting.

I kind of felt the same way about reading Half in Love: Surviving the Legacy of Suicide by writer Linda Gray Sexton. I was a bit reluctant to read a memoir about suicide, because I thought it might depress me (albeit temporarily), make me too somber. The subject matter is something I do not like to think about. But I very quickly realized that the subtitle of the book contains a vital, hopeful clue; I knew the book would be about suicide, but also about surviving the legacy of suicide. I cast my doubts aside and jumped right into this book, hoping to be enlightened, and maybe even inspired. Once I started reading this book, the clear prose drew me in swiftly, and although at times it was difficult to read about the author's misery, and I wished the story were not true, I finished the book in just a few sittings.

Half in Love is a very candid and affecting memoir, written by the daughter of Pulitzer Prize winning poet, Anne Sexton. Growing up, Linda feared that her gifted but mentally ill mother would kill herself. She was aware of her mother’s numerous suicide attempts, which were followed by hospital stays, and she was filled with nearly constant dread. Linda and her family suffered along with Anne, always worrying that she would kill herself.

"When my mother took an overdose, Death came into the room and stood at the head of her bed. When my father, or my Nana, or her best friend, took her to the hospital, Death waited on the threshold and watched for his opportunity. Sometimes Death lived at our house, slithering between the big bottles of her sleeping pills and tranquilizers, twining around the packs of cigarettes and bottles of booze. Death was the itinerant salesman, always knocking on our green front door. My mother never failed to let him in."
~Half in Love, Linda Gray Sexton

While Linda was 21 and studying at Harvard, her mother succeeded in taking her own life. After that horrific ordeal, Linda and her sister, Joy, vowed to never attempt suicide, and Linda later promises her own children that she will never be like her mother in that regard. Very sadly, though, the legacy of suicide and depression gradually becomes too strong for Linda, and she does eventually attempt suicide a few times, before finally getting the help that she needs.

Many aspects of this book are quite remarkable! The honesty of Linda's story is nothing short of incredible. I admire this honesty, although it was difficult for me to read parts of the book. It took great courage on Linda's part to reveal so much about herself and what she went through. She describes in agonizing detail her first attempt at suicide in the bathtub, and also writes about how cutting her skin with sharp objects initially helped alleviate the pain she felt inside. Another thing that struck me was her determination to beat the deep, recurring depression that made her suicidal and kept her bedridden and paralyzed. She strived to be a good wife and mother, and took medication for her depression and mood disorders. Many people mistakenly think that you can "tough out" depression, which is a real and serious illness that is often difficult to treat, and sometimes fatal. As the book points out, a suicide attempt isn't a selfish act, but is rather a response to tremendous, relentless pain; if death is seen as the only way out, then life must be absolutely unbearable.

I was quite relieved that she was able to find the support and nurturing that were absolutely essential to her survival, after being abandoned by several prominent people in her life. After her mother's death, she became friends with Rachael, who was older and understanding, a new, healthier version of a mother for Linda. After her first marriage ended, Linda was devastated, but some years later she meets Brad, who turns out to be a wonderful, accepting mate. Eventually Linda finds a marvelous doctor, Barbara, who not only listens and provides guidance and insight (she suggests the idea of the legacy), but who also nurtures her to an extent. Her children, Gabe and Nathaniel, now adults, are lovingly supportive of her. They knew that Linda had always tried to do her best as a mother, and that she loved them, but that at times she was overpowered by this forceful legacy. Their understanding of their mother brought tears to my eyes.

Linda survives, writes her powerful and personal story, and provides hope and inspiration to individuals and families suffering from the affects of depression and the dark shadow of suicide. I hope it doesn't spoil the book for anyone when I say that this book has a happy ending. Or, in Linda's case, a happy, new beginning.

Special thanks to Lisa from TLC for sending me a copy of this book. For more reviews of this book, please visit the other stops on TLC's Half in Love book tour.

Everything I Never Wanted to Be

"I do remember her weeks in intensive
care. . .her seizures and vomiting. . .her stays in detox and rehab. And I remember watching her when she was psychotic from meth and cowering in the corner of the dark laundry room because the helicopters were coming to get her. A ninety-pound stranger. Watching and feeling that I had lost her. The "her" she was--my beautiful, beautiful girl--now someone else, something else."
~Everything I Never Wanted to Be, Dina Kucera

I can't say that I enjoyed Everything I Never Wanted to Be: a memoir of alcoholism and addiction, faith and family, hope and humor by Dina Kucera, because I don't enjoy reading about the painful struggles of others, although the book is laced with humor (and made me want to sample the food of Albuquerque, and Hatch green chili). In fact, this book was quite difficult for me to read. As the parent of teenagers, I know that there are a lot of dangers out there, drugs and alcohol, and other things that I don't even know about. It's a scary time for teens as well as for their parents. I've had my share of sleepless nights, and I'm sure I'll need to endure more.

Everything I Never Wanted to Be, published in 2010, is a truthful memoir. The author, who lives in Phoenix, grew up in Albuquerque in an alcoholic family ('alcoholismrunsinthefamily'); both her grandparents and parents were alcoholics, and Dina is a recovered alcoholic who has also struggled with addictions to pills. The cycle of substance abuse continued with Dina's own daughters. Perhaps her worst nightmare of all began when her beautiful daughter, Carly, started using heroin at age fourteen. Not pot. Not cocaine. Heroin. The hard stuff. Her other two daughters, Jen and April, also suffered from substance abuse and related problems.

I must admit that this book held me captive from the very first page. The prelude includes statements such as "I share needles" written by Dina's youngest daughter, Carly, then age sixteen, that are extremely affecting and heart-wrenching. From a young age Carly is self-aware and reflective, and the title of the book comes from another statement written by her. In the book, Dina works as a grocery store checker and is also a stand-up comic. Her honesty and repeated efforts to help her daughters are nothing short of remarkable, a testament to her deep love for them. She doesn't give up but battles the "family inheritance" with strength and tenacity, with the help of her supportive husband, John. I admire Dina's great courage, openness, and ability to find humor in even the darkest situations, and for sharing her story with others.

"In my house we talk freely about alcohol, heroin, meth, coke, pot, OxyContin, and other drugs. We also talk about sobriety, rehab, hope, God, and faith. We make constant jokes about drugs and alcohol because it takes away the pain of the thing."
~Everything I Never Wanted to Be, Dina Kucera

Carly is also honest about her drug use and has been through detox and rehab numerous times. It is my sincere hope that Carly will realize her great potential and be able to achieve her dream to become a lawyer, or another type of professional, such as a psychologist or substance abuse counselor.


Special thanks to Trish from TLC for sending me this book. Please visit the other stops on TLC's Everything I Never Wanted to Be book tour for additional reviews. If you're interested in reading this riveting memoir, you can get a 30% discount off Dina's book at www.everythinginever.com by entering the coupon code "Dina" at the checkout.