Everything I Never Wanted to Be

"I do remember her weeks in intensive
care. . .her seizures and vomiting. . .her stays in detox and rehab. And I remember watching her when she was psychotic from meth and cowering in the corner of the dark laundry room because the helicopters were coming to get her. A ninety-pound stranger. Watching and feeling that I had lost her. The "her" she was--my beautiful, beautiful girl--now someone else, something else."
~Everything I Never Wanted to Be, Dina Kucera

I can't say that I enjoyed Everything I Never Wanted to Be: a memoir of alcoholism and addiction, faith and family, hope and humor by Dina Kucera, because I don't enjoy reading about the painful struggles of others, although the book is laced with humor (and made me want to sample the food of Albuquerque, and Hatch green chili). In fact, this book was quite difficult for me to read. As the parent of teenagers, I know that there are a lot of dangers out there, drugs and alcohol, and other things that I don't even know about. It's a scary time for teens as well as for their parents. I've had my share of sleepless nights, and I'm sure I'll need to endure more.

Everything I Never Wanted to Be, published in 2010, is a truthful memoir. The author, who lives in Phoenix, grew up in Albuquerque in an alcoholic family ('alcoholismrunsinthefamily'); both her grandparents and parents were alcoholics, and Dina is a recovered alcoholic who has also struggled with addictions to pills. The cycle of substance abuse continued with Dina's own daughters. Perhaps her worst nightmare of all began when her beautiful daughter, Carly, started using heroin at age fourteen. Not pot. Not cocaine. Heroin. The hard stuff. Her other two daughters, Jen and April, also suffered from substance abuse and related problems.

I must admit that this book held me captive from the very first page. The prelude includes statements such as "I share needles" written by Dina's youngest daughter, Carly, then age sixteen, that are extremely affecting and heart-wrenching. From a young age Carly is self-aware and reflective, and the title of the book comes from another statement written by her. In the book, Dina works as a grocery store checker and is also a stand-up comic. Her honesty and repeated efforts to help her daughters are nothing short of remarkable, a testament to her deep love for them. She doesn't give up but battles the "family inheritance" with strength and tenacity, with the help of her supportive husband, John. I admire Dina's great courage, openness, and ability to find humor in even the darkest situations, and for sharing her story with others.

"In my house we talk freely about alcohol, heroin, meth, coke, pot, OxyContin, and other drugs. We also talk about sobriety, rehab, hope, God, and faith. We make constant jokes about drugs and alcohol because it takes away the pain of the thing."
~Everything I Never Wanted to Be, Dina Kucera

Carly is also honest about her drug use and has been through detox and rehab numerous times. It is my sincere hope that Carly will realize her great potential and be able to achieve her dream to become a lawyer, or another type of professional, such as a psychologist or substance abuse counselor.


Special thanks to Trish from TLC for sending me this book. Please visit the other stops on TLC's Everything I Never Wanted to Be book tour for additional reviews. If you're interested in reading this riveting memoir, you can get a 30% discount off Dina's book at www.everythinginever.com by entering the coupon code "Dina" at the checkout.

Mailbox Monday

Although it's one of my favorite memes, I haven't done Mailbox Monday yet this month. I've posted in the nick of time to report the two new books that I received in the mail last week.

Jocelyn from Kelley & Hall sent me an advance copy of Gardens of Grief by Boston Teran (publication date: April 2011), a novel about the Armenian genocide, soon to be a major motion picture (possibly starring Kim Kardashian). Many of my relatives were Armenian, and they traveled to America to escape the genocide, so I'm very interested in reading this book. Who is Boston Teran? Mystery surrounds the identity of this author. Some believe he's a well-known writer using a pseudonym, while others believe the name is used by a group of writers who write under one name.

Lisa Roe, the Online Publicist, sent me Muslim Women Reformers: Inspiring Voices Against Oppression (2009) by Ida Lichter, a psychiatrist and contributor to The Huffington Post. This book features the stories of Muslim women from around the world, "as they question ideology and culture, patriarchal and religious beliefs, and demand the social and political rights women lack in many Muslim countries." I've already skimmed a few pages and think this is an important book.

Please stay tuned for my reviews of these books.

Created by Marcia from The Printed Page, Mailbox Monday is currently on tour. During the month of November, Julie from Knitting and Sundries has been hosting this fabulous meme. What new books have you gotten recently in the mail or from elsewhere?