Be FreED: Recover from your eating disorder at any age

Although I have never had an eating disorder, I've struggled at various times with weight and appearance issues, like many women.  When I was a young girl, some of my relatives seemed to constantly comment on my weight, and that of my sisters, whenever we saw them.  It seemed like that was very important to them.  I know that to some extent this is normal, adults do notice the physical changes children go through as they grow up, but as a child this made me acutely aware of my appearance.  I was very skinny as a young child, but once I stopped growing in height and started to fill out a bit, these comments would make me feel quite self-conscious. Why did they pinch my cheeks?  Was I getting chubby?  Like many teenagers, I went on crazy diets with friends from time to time (one of my favorites was the ice cream diet, when we'd only eat Häagen-Dazs ice cream). Somehow, I muddled through those years without developing an eating disorder.  Fast forward to my pregnancies.  When I was pregnant, it was hard to bear getting on the scale at the doctor's office and hearing the "innocent" remarks, such as, "oh, you must be eating a lot of cookies, eh?", or,  "you are getting big, ha, ha",  from the staff.  Wasn't I supposed to gain weight at this time, for the baby's sake?  These comments would undermine my confidence in my appearance during my pregnancies.  (Please ladies, be sensitive to our pregnant sisters.  Pregnancy is hard enough.)  Today, I rarely weigh myself, and really only strive to fit into my clothing and to be strong.  I'm thin but I have a good relationship with food, I think.  I'm health-conscious and I enjoy food.  I try to make healthy choices, most of the time, and I exercise regularly.  I've tried to raise my children, especially my daughters, without making them overly concerned about weight or appearance, but it has been difficult to do this in a culture that places enormous emphasis on physical appearance.

" 'I'm not good enough, I'm not skinny enough, I'm not pretty enough' was all I would ever hear from the degrading mouth of Ed, also known as my eating disorder."
~ Mallory Faye, Be FreED


I decided to read Be FreED: Recover from your eating disorder at any age by writer, speaker, and singer Mallory Faye because I know that eating disorders affect countless millions of people.  Published in 2014, this memoir sounded like it would be a positive and hopeful book that would teach me a few things about eating disorders.


Very early in life, when she was a dancer as a little girl, Mallory had thoughts of "needing to be thin and perfect", and her eating disorder began when she was in elementary school.  Although Ed (her name for her eating disorder, as mentioned in the quotation above) was still telling her that she wasn't thin enough, she was diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia as a teenager.

"Eating disorders come in all shapes, sizes, and genders.  Ed doesn't discriminate.  The woman in front of you checking out at the grocery store may just be struggling with bulimia.  You don't have to be emaciated to have an eating disorder."
~ Mallory Faye, Be FreED

In this book, Mallory candidly tells her story, and describes how she is able to stop the restricting, bingeing, and purging, and to free herself from Ed.  With the help of a treatment team and plenty of support from friends and family, Mallory is able to recover fully from her eating disorder. In Be FreED, Mallory refers to a traumatic incident in her past that affected her greatly and contributed to her eating disorder.  Fortunately, she was able to get the help she needed, and to effectively break free from Ed's strong grip.  Referring to her eating disorder as Ed is a clever way to present the eating disorder as a distinct, separate, critical being who must be dealt with and conquered.  Although it's a daunting challenge that requires change and committment, Mallory knows that she must "be freED" from Ed.  In her  book, there's a chapter about the Ed box she creates, and in a later chapter, she "divorces" Ed.

I've heard that it's very difficult to overcome eating disorders, because they tend to be complex, but Mallory is determined to not only help herself, but others as well.  Be FreED shows her genuine concern for others as she shares her experience, and what has worked for her.  Mallory provides a lot of practical ideas and strategies for those who suffer from eating disorders, and her writing is honest, friendly, and encouraging.  She is truly a "hope activist", and proves that "recovery and life beyond your eating disorder is possible".  She lists valuable resources for those afflicted by eating disorders, including organizations that she's worked for, such as NEDA (the National Eating Disorders Association), at the end of the book.  I recommend Be FreED to all who struggle with eating disorders. 

Thanks to Jocelyn from Kelley & Hall for sending me a complimentary copy of Be FreED. Mallory, I wish you much continued success and fulfillment in your careers as a writer, speaker, and singer.

Your comments are welcome. 

A Conversation with Fiona Place

Having just read and reviewed Cardboard: A Woman Left for Dead by Fiona Place, I am excited to now present an interview with the author.

1) Welcome, Fiona! I am curious about your background and the motivation for your book, Cardboard: A Woman Left for Dead, which won the 1990 National Book Council Qantas Award for New Writers, and has recently been released in North America. Please tell us about the inspiration for Cardboard.

FP: I wrote Cardboard in response to a friend (who was a poet) asking me if I was ever going to write anything longer than a one page poem! Seriously, it was that straightforward--I went up to my attic (yes it was the writer in the attic) and began writing Cardboard--using both poetry and prose. I wanted to remain faithful to my poet status--too many poets it is said move on to other forms--and to my delight soon realised the narrative needed the poetry, that without the space the poetic voice provides the book would implode and be too one dimensional. So I sat and wrote five drafts in six weeks. Then I spent five years working on the manuscript to get it right. In the meantime I was studying and working and so from my perspective it was an easy book to write. I had the structure fairly early on and I only had to work on refining and refining each sentence!


2) I've never read a book quite like Cardboard, in which you creatively mix prose and poetry. I felt as if the poems added another layer, of strong feeling, to the narrative. It's interesting that the story is told in the first person by Lucy, but that the poems are written in the third person, as if Lucy is viewing herself from a distance.

"she misled them
down garden paths
far from her tree of hope"

What was your idea behind mixing prose and poetry, of giving these "two perspectives"?

FP: That was both luck and determination to write a prose/poetry novel. Luck in that I hit upon the idea early (in part as I have said at the suggestion of another poet) and determination in that I worked at it long enough to make it a full-length text. I soon realised the reader would need to see Lucy from different perspectives, that they needed to see an older and a wiser Lucy--right from the beginning of the novel--or else it would be too heavy and too dense. It then made sense to write the poetry in the third person--to flesh out Lucy so to speak. And allow the reader to understand that even when Lucy's world view was extremely narrow there were parts of her that could see out or think about her situation. It was also a sheer love of poetry--of believing Lucy's state of mind needed the complexity and mystery that only a poetic voice can capture.


3) In the book the main character, Lucy, is being treated for anorexia nervosa. She refuses to eat for complex reasons. She doesn't really think she's fat, but wants control over one aspect of her life, eating or not eating. Lucy is very worried about the future and specifically about getting (and keeping) a job. What is the role of anxiety in this disorder?

FP: I think the role of anxiety is far more important than is often talked about. In part this is because anxiety is far harder to articulate--it is far easier for someone to present or understand an eating disorder in terms of a "desire to be thin". It requires time, patience, and individualised therapy to understand and assist someone with anxiety. And unfortunately in today's world where the medical profession's focus is mainly on understanding the underlying biology and genetics of the illness, individualised psychotherapy is rarely presented or even thought of as a viable treatment option. Instead governments and insurance companies are only willing to fund cost-controlled pre-packaged treatment programs which may or may not suit the person who has an eating disorder.


4) Your book suggests that anorexia may be a language based disorder in which subtexts are misunderstood. Tell us more about this. Also, does your frequent use of slashes in the book signify something in that realm? For example:

"They had seen/caught me in the midst of a giddy spell and I knew my pathology report had shown an electrolyte imbalance."

FP: The use of slashes is about many things--perhaps in Cardboard's case about showing a character who is constantly trying to understand the world, to map it, and furiously intent on capturing exactly what it is she is trying to impart. It is also part of my writing style, the poet in me. At another level though I do think anorexia and other eating disorders are related to an inability to express and articulate emotions, that the person gives up on trying to understand the complex array of emotions swimming through them and ends up defining themselves through what they eat and weigh because these are measurable and simple understandings and give order to an inner chaos. I also believe that part of the recovery process is about learning to express yourself in your own words, learning to shape a self through language. And that this often involves appreciating how 'lived' experience is storied. How can there be hidden meanings, hidden agendas, and how we all have to navigate our way through the maze of language, and the stories others tell about us and about the world at large.


5) Lucy's struggle is not just about food; it's about obtaining independence and autonomy and identity, and I rooted for her every step of the way. How much of you is in Lucy, the protagonist and heroine of this story?

FP: Some I guess, it is hard to say--what I do know is when I tried to read the book before it was republished this year I was taken aback--it was a completely different book to the one I remembered. Neither better or worse--just different. Then again most writers say this about books they have written. And many advise never reread a book. That said I do understand the struggle Lucy endured, do understand how hard life can be at times. And how fortunate I am--as was Lucy--to have made a complete recovery.


6) Cardboard was first published in 1989 in Australia. What do you think about the effectiveness of modern day treatments for eating disorders, in Australia or elsewhere?

FP: The majority of today's research studies and treatment protocols are focused on trying to understand the biology and genetics of the disorder rather than the context in which the illness occurs. And to my way of thinking this line of inquiry has de-skilled the medical profession, causing them to be less capable and less aware that eating disorders occur within a context (families, peer groups, communities) and that that context matters.


7) Are you working on another book, and if so, can you tell us something about it?

FP: I am working on another book. Based on my essay Motherhood and genetic screening: a personal perspective, it is in the early draft stages. And unsurprisingly once again it is medical in nature! Of interest to me this time is how recent advances in medicine, genetics, and technology are significantly altering our perceptions of what it means to have a disability. Take for example, deafness. Only fifty years ago it was seen as a 'life sentence' requiring institutionalization, whereas today it is considered a 'treatable' condition and something that can be lived with, tolerated. (This is however not without its controversies, with some in the deaf community choosing to remain deaf.) Unfortunately, however, not all 'disabilities' have gained from these advances. Not all lives have become as acceptable/accepted. Witness the advances in prenatal screening. In this domain the ever-increasing capacity to detect disabilities in utero seems to be making us less tolerant of disability, less tolerant of any kind of difference.

If all goes according to plan I wish to explore these contradictory changes and examine the possible consequences of the current drive towards only wanting the 'able', the perfect. Ending up I hope with a readable book!


Fiona, thank you very much for doing this interview with me. It gave me additional insight into Cardboard. I look forward to reading your next book!

For my review of Cardboard, or to enter the giveaway, please visit Cardboard: Review and Giveaway.

Cardboard: Review and Giveaway

"From the Safety of not eating I finally began to hear the double echoes, to scratch at the polite surfaces of words. I knew nothing deeper than what was visible. Or if I could see it I was unable to use any words to describe it."
~Cardboard, Fiona Place

First published in Australia in 1989, Cardboard: A Woman Left for Dead by Fiona Place is the story of Lucy, a young woman who has been suffering from anorexia nervosa for about eight years. Told by Lucy, Cardboard presents her inner world, an intimate a portrait of a woman with an eating disorder who's undergoing treatments that include hospitalization, drugs, and psychotherapy.

In conjunction with her eating disorder, Lucy suffers from anxiety and fears, concerning her future and employment (that dreadful, ever present 'e'). Having grown up in family that did not outwardly demonstrate affection, she craves physical closeness and a love relationship but is afraid of men, fearful of getting too close to or trusting someone. Lucy knows what she wants and needs but is not yet able to articulate her needs. And that seems to be at the heart of the matter.

"I knew there was more to life than the expression You are what you eat but I felt compelled to take it to its literal extreme."
~Cardboard, Fiona Place

The author believes that this eating disorder is closely related to an inability to understand subtexts of language, or to take things too literally. She believes that anorexia nervosa may really be a ‘communication disorder’, and that trained therapists can help patients decode the ‘subtexts’ of language and conversation.

Developed during the 1970's and 1980's by Australian Michael White and New Zealander David Epston, narrative therapy is a form of psychotherapy using narrative. The basic premise of this form of treatment is that a patient will benefit by telling his or her own narrative, under the guidance of a psychotherapist. This is what happens in Cardboard. Under Tim's care, Lucy begins her narrative. But she takes this one step further. Lucy incorporates poetry into her narrative, which adds another dimension to it.

"flattered
she had been
imagined real

hurt, knowing
she couldn't
be real"
~Cardboard, Fiona Place

By using poetry, a less "literal" language than prose, Lucy starts to allow more ambiguity in her interpretation of language, in her life. In fact, she is the very creator of this ambiguity! Slowly but certainly, through the actual process of writing the prose and poetry, Lucy starts to help herself, and to better comprehend language, with it's subtleties and subtexts.

"Writing didn't have to come up with a practical solution to anything, only an understanding, and as I penned, the words seemed to appear before my eyes, from somewhere unknown. An unknown that I hadn't explored."
~Cardboard, Fiona Place

To be honest, I wasn't sure how I'd be affected by a book about a young woman who is suffering from anorexia nervosa. I thought I might find it depressing or unpleasant. Fortunately, this book is a triumphant story of recovery and success. While Lucy does receive treatment and help from Dr. E. and Tim, it is through her very narrative, told in prose and poetry, that she is able to take control and responsibility for herself in many areas of life, and eventually recover from her eating disorder. Cardboard is a brilliant fictionalized account that illustrates the restorative powers of narrative psychotherapy. It's a unique combination of prose and poetry that shows the integration of logical, literal "left brain" language with creative, intuitive "right brain" language. Lucy writes herself into well-being.

Exciting news! To celebrate the recent release of Cardboard in North America, the author generously sent me a copy to review, and two additional copies to give away. This giveaway is open worldwide.

• To enter the giveaway for this book, simply leave a comment.
• For another chance at winning, become a follower of this blog, or let me know that you're already a follower, or that you subscribe in Google Reader.
• For an additional chance, post about this contest on your blog, Facebook, or Twitter.

Enter by 5 PM PDT on Thursday, June 10. Two winners will be selected randomly and announced on Friday, June 11. Good luck!

Please return on May 20 for an interview with Fiona Place. For another review of this book visit The Reading Life. Cardboard counts toward the Aussie Author Challenge and the Women Unbound Reading Challenge.